Weird Mom Stuff (…please tell me you relate)

After hearing all the horror stories about having kids, I delayed motherhood as long as I biologically could. And although I was quite aware of the hard work and patience this important role required, nothing prepares you for the reality of it all.

So here is my list of weird things I never experienced before being a mom…

  • Having a running commentary while I poop. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
  • (in the same line) Having someone ask me out loud, in a public restroom, whether I am pooping or peeing. And when I get out of the stall there is always an inquisitive look on at least one other restroom attendee to whom I feel I owe them an answer.
  • Trying to convince someone the importance of wearing pants.
  • Being reprimanded for using the yellow cup instead of the blue cup… and the next day, being reprimanded for using the blue cup.
  • Getting the fright of my life when waking in the middle of the night to a 3-year old staring at you while you sleep.
  • Finding the answer to so many life questions such as why that man has a big belly (and then incessantly repeating the question no matter how hard you try to ignore them).
  • Having someone point to your face and say with disgust: What’s that? when I have a pimple.
  • Getting some poop, puke, snot anywhere you least expect it and only finding out later that same day when you are out in public.
  • The satisfaction of successfully removing a booger from my 3-year old’s nose.
  • Carefully combing through long hair and breathing a sign of relief when you didn’t find any lice.
  • Take a day off work to go to the emergency clinic and waiting for hours because your child complains of an earache but the doctor doesn’t see anything abnormal and as you are leaving your daughter says: See the doctor fixed it, it doesn’t hurt anymore! When all the doc did was look in her hear with a flashlight!
  • Having someone eat off your plate because your piece of chicken tastes better than the exact same piece of chicken on their plate.
  • Hiding in a corner in the kitchen eating the last remaining cookies/chocolate/chips out of the box so that you don’t have to share.
  • Getting overly excited when you find a toy, sweater, bracelet, book, hat, ball, game, shoes, socks, gloves, dress, lunch box, glass, napkin, pen, clip with one of my daughter’s favourite Disney princess.
  • Having a 3-year old pick out your outfit in the morning because your brain is too fried from lack of sleep.
  • Being told my legs are prickly (it’s Winter people, give me a break!).
  • Being told I’m the best mom ever and then referring to me as a poop face in the same sentence.
  • Arguing with someone about why they shouldn’t eat a five-day old Cheerio laying on the bathroom floor right before they pop it in their mouth.
  • Hearing someone screaming from the bathroom to help them wipe their butt.
  • Being asked by my child’s teacher if the argument I had with my husband last night is resolved because there was a lot of noise coming from our bedroom.

Ok so for the sake of ending on a positive note and writing that all the good stuff of having kids overrides the bad… well, in reality, not always. But one thing is for sure, I love my daughters with all my heart and they make my life the best thing ever (chaos and boogers and everything)…. Plus, they greet me like a Rock star whenever I come home from work and THAT is the best feeling in the world.

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WHAT I LEARNED FROM TRAVELING WITH KIDS

DON’T DO IT!

Just kidding! (or not)

I was already stressed before leaving for my two-week vacation to beautiful Italia. This was the first time we were traveling in an airplane with our kids. I was worried of everything that could go wrong: lost luggage, pukey kids, tantrums, … but sometimes you can never truly prepare yourself for what is to happen until it actually happens.

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Here is the breakdown (no pun intended ;P)…

Before the trip:

-you research and ask friends, family and colleagues for tips and tricks on what helped them travel with kids

-you carefully pack fun activities and toys that will keep them busy for an 8 hour flight

-you are happy to see their excited little faces anxiously waiting to board the plane.

-you are still stressed but feel like everything is under control because you carefully noted everything everyone told you and that you read. You THINK you got everything covered… I mean, what else is there?!?

In the plane:

-you will be the family nobody wants to be seated next to. You may not even want to be seated next to your own kids.

-you realize all those activities and toys you packed to last an 8 hour flight were played with, broken and thrown after the first 15 minutes.

-you also learn that night terrors can start at any time and at any age even if they have never had one before in their lives, while being on the ground

-you learn never to bring crayons with caps in a plane; you will be spending your time picking them up all throughout.

-you will be so embarrassed of your screaming child that you avoid all eye contact with strangers and you make no friends. Even the ones that are nice to you are probably grumbling something at some point under their breath against you and your screaming child; especially on an overnight flight.

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During the trip:

-you wonder if it’s too late to put your kids up for adoption.

-there will be yelling. Loud yelling… and your kids will be yelling as well.

After the trip:

-you will appreciate the little things, like being on the ground.

-you will vow never to step on a plane again with your children!

That being said, there were good things as well. Like being all together with my parents in such a gorgeous country, sharing some family history with your children, see your kids play together and bond.

The lesson learned from this trip is that things will happen, there is good and bad in everything and whether you worry about the bad stuff or not doesn’t matter: LIFE HAPPENS. No matter how well you think you are prepared to handle stuff, something new will throw you off.

My tip to you if you are travelling with toddlers: Trust yourself that you will be able to handle whatever life throws your way. Live in the moment, know that it will pass and keep doing those breathing exercises; they sure come in handy!

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