After hearing all the horror stories about having kids, I delayed motherhood as long as I biologically could. And although I was quite aware of the hard work and patience this important role required, nothing prepares you for the reality of it all.
So here is my list of weird things I never experienced before being a mom…
- Having a running commentary while I poop. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
- (in the same line) Having someone ask me out loud, in a public restroom, whether I am pooping or peeing. And when I get out of the stall there is always an inquisitive look on at least one other restroom attendee to whom I feel I owe them an answer.
- Trying to convince someone the importance of wearing pants.
- Being reprimanded for using the yellow cup instead of the blue cup… and the next day, being reprimanded for using the blue cup.
- Getting the fright of my life when waking in the middle of the night to a 3-year old staring at you while you sleep.
- Finding the answer to so many life questions such as why that man has a big belly (and then incessantly repeating the question no matter how hard you try to ignore them).
- Having someone point to your face and say with disgust: What’s that? when I have a pimple.
- Getting some poop, puke, snot anywhere you least expect it and only finding out later that same day when you are out in public.
- The satisfaction of successfully removing a booger from my 3-year old’s nose.
- Carefully combing through long hair and breathing a sign of relief when you didn’t find any lice.
- Take a day off work to go to the emergency clinic and waiting for hours because your child complains of an earache but the doctor doesn’t see anything abnormal and as you are leaving your daughter says: See the doctor fixed it, it doesn’t hurt anymore! When all the doc did was look in her hear with a flashlight!
- Having someone eat off your plate because your piece of chicken tastes better than the exact same piece of chicken on their plate.
- Hiding in a corner in the kitchen eating the last remaining cookies/chocolate/chips out of the box so that you don’t have to share.
- Getting overly excited when you find a toy, sweater, bracelet, book, hat, ball, game, shoes, socks, gloves, dress, lunch box, glass, napkin, pen, clip with one of my daughter’s favourite Disney princess.
- Having a 3-year old pick out your outfit in the morning because your brain is too fried from lack of sleep.
- Being told my legs are prickly (it’s Winter people, give me a break!).
- Being told I’m the best mom ever and then referring to me as a poop face in the same sentence.
- Arguing with someone about why they shouldn’t eat a five-day old Cheerio laying on the bathroom floor right before they pop it in their mouth.
- Hearing someone screaming from the bathroom to help them wipe their butt.
- Being asked by my child’s teacher if the argument I had with my husband last night is resolved because there was a lot of noise coming from our bedroom.
Ok so for the sake of ending on a positive note and writing that all the good stuff of having kids overrides the bad… well, in reality, not always. But one thing is for sure, I love my daughters with all my heart and they make my life the best thing ever (chaos and boogers and everything)…. Plus, they greet me like a Rock star whenever I come home from work and THAT is the best feeling in the world.